women

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Moms Gone Wild


????????????????Recently, I went on a road trip with two lady friends.  A long weekend spent being a groupie for the band, Trial By Fire.  My friend’s son, and a young man I have known since he was a baby, is a member.   We had a great time, but quickly realized staying up until the early hours of the morningwas tough work.  We were no longer the college students partying away our stress over upcoming finals.   Instead, we were three older woman escaping the confines of our daily lives.  Our getaway was a needed escape from being the caregiver for a very ill spouse and the sudden, unexpected, responsibility of a mother and nephew.   I was the one that had no true commitments. In February I had passed the one year anniversary of my dementia bound mother’s death, and with that, a release to determine what  I want to do with the rest of my life.

We three adventurers set out on a journey deemed, Moms Gone Wild.  But, how wild can you get in a mini-van?  The first night earplugs were distributed so that we could  all attempt a good night’s sleep.   On Friday we awoke and piled back into our vehicle for a six hour drive.  We arrived in Greensboro, North Carolina in time to have a beer while the band set up and did a sound check.  I got a thrill of boastful pride when we told the bartender we were related to one of the musicians.  That night at the show, with the music thrumming in our chests and the crowd clapping and screaming encouragement to the rock group, we decided to celebrate with a jello-shot.  We couldn’t resist as the somewhat solidified alcohol came in a huge syringe.  I’ve been in bars before where a band was playing.  But, this was different.  I delighted in watching the crowd watch our favorite band member.  I pondered on how it must feel to be on stage and realize I was bringing such fun to the crowd.  What a rush it must be.  The night finally ended, for us at least, as we made our way to our beds around 2 a.m.  On Saturday afternoon, after two more hours of driving we landed in Charlotte, North Carolina and began the whole process again.

Along the journey, of our weekend away, the three of us shared many thoughts.  We reflected on the circumstances of our lives.  It never occurred to any of us to complain about what life had thrown our way.  Instead, we accepted the obligations and knew we would not do anything differently.  Still, that does not mean we did not question what the future would hold and how that now would be so different from what we had envisioned.  Yet, we understood we are not unlike so many of our generation, taking on the care of aging parents just when we were ready to enjoy empty nest adventures with our spouse.  Or perhaps, as my one friend, realizing those golden years will never come for her and her husband.

That is why this weekend away was just what the doctor would have ordered if prescriptions can be written for such an excursion.  A few days in which we came close to reliving our youth; the one that seemed so burdened at the time and, as we have come to understand, no where near that complicated.  During the weekend the three of us spent the days enjoying the warmth of the southern sun and hanging in bars with the band at night.

But real life rushed in and on Monday we made the grueling 15 hour endurance test back to our homes.  I awoke Tuesday feeling disoriented and exhausted, only to look out the window to an inch of snow on the ground.  Welcome back to reality.

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Me First


Re-learning how to put yourself first is difficult. I think most women, at some point in our lives, lose the initial reaction of me first and begin to experience concern about others. For many it is when we have children. But, it doesn’t have offspring, because of women’s instinct to nurture, we naturally put others first no matter the circumstances.
Lately, I have been making a concerted effort to allow myself to consider, what do I want to do? Or my new mantra is, No Guilt. With those thoughts in mind I planned a week for myself at the seasonal house we rented this winter. Even as I sit here and type I am surrounded by my fellow writer’s as we enjoy our first writer’s retreat. We gave ourselves a few days in which to enjoy the company of fellow scribes and actually sit and create for most of the day. While out our window, the beautiful Adirondacks lie snow-covered gleaming in the sun. It is pleasant to write and not be alone. I am enjoying hearing the click of my friend’s keyboards. Later, as we enjoy a night out for dinner I’m sure we will discuss what we have written. We will offer suggestions and constructive criticism. With each other’s encouragement we will keep moving ahead with our writing, forgoing other obligations and feel no guilt.
Later in the week I will be joined by two amazing girlfriends. The kind that know what you are thinking or feeling even before you do. We need some girl time; to reflect on our lives, to walk through issues that are troubling us, to laugh and build up each other’s spirits. Of course, more food than we need will be involved, along with adult beverages. I’m sure there will be long hours of talk and short hours of sleep.
Eventually, at the end of the week, husbands and other friends will join us for what we are calling our Hall Pass Weekend. A couple of days in which our group plans on letting loose with crude jokes, adult beverages, again too much food and much called for laughter.
In the end, I will have celebrated a week of letting go of commitments, worries, and pressure to put others before myself. A week for me.

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Over indulged? I think not.


I celebrated my 54th birthday yesterday.   October 21, 2012.  I reveal my age for several reasons.  One, I am proud to say that as a 50 something woman, I am still learning and growing.  A part of life which I believe should never stop.  Two, I have never been afraid or ashamed of my age.  Yes, I admit that there were and are times in my life in which I was shocked by my accumulation of years.  But, most of all I am proud of the way I am turning out.  At this stage in my life and maybe it is because of age, I like who I am.  I hope I have many years left in which to continue to grow into the person I want to be.
Therefore, I believe in celebrating birthdays.  I enjoy being the center of attention.   Lavished with Happy Birthday wishes by cards, the internet, face to face, I will take them anyway the good intentions come.  As we women toil along in our lives there are many times we can feel invisible.  Our children and husbands have come to expect the big and small gestures we do for them.  Right now in my life, I do a lot of my work from home.  The commute to my home office, in a converted bedroom, is very short.  Because of this and also the fact that, I was a stay at home Mom for many years, my family assumes that I will do all of the grocery shopping, errand running and general house maintenance.  On the days when I do travel with my other job to local schools, for The Scotia-Glenville Traveling Museum, the assumptions are still the same.  I don’t mind being the person who is in charge of these matters, what does bother me is the fact it is all assumed and never appreciated.
Every year, as my birthday approaches, I don’t hesitate to remind my family of the upcoming day.  I have no intention of being a martyr and secretly hoping for a celebration, but not getting what I want or perhaps need.  And, my family, over time, has learned to do the day big.  On different years, my birthday has turned into more than a day.  It has spread itself out to include perhaps the weekend or even week.  This year, since my birthday fell on Sunday, I took advantage of the whole weekend.  On Saturday I watched Purdue play football. (Once again struggling to remain part of the faithful with the ending score).  My husband took me out to dinner that evening.  Sunday, my family surprised me with an amazing, over the top brunch, in Saratoga Springs.  Then Paul and drove to the Adirondacks to pick up our season passes at Gore Mountain and just enjoy one of our favorite areas.  It was all about me and I loved it.  No regrets, no worries about anyone else.  Only thoughts of, what I wanted.
All woman should have a few days every year where they are the center of attention.  A day where they are not invisible.  A day when all of the acknowledgments, that should be said daily, are said with sincerity and love.  Yesterday was my day.

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The Me Bus


Recently I have been boarding the me bus more often.  It is a difficult adventure for most women.  We are not geared or wired to think of ourselves first.  But I have discovered, at least in my life, it is high time I started doing just that.

When you begin boarding the me bus often your family is generally not happy about it.  After all, you have spent most of, either your married life or your children’s lives putting them first.  It is a shock to their systems to suddenly not come first.  But if you have raised your children to also be considerate of others they will eventually come around.  Husbands may take a little more time.

A benefit of riding the me bus is that I now do more of the activities I want to do.  I actually ask myself, What do you want to do?  I realize that of course life can not be totally one sided.  As a person belonging to a family, society and life in general, I can not be totally self absorbed.  But, occasionally it is nice to worry about what I want first, then consider how it will affect others.  So, I encourage others to join me on my bus.  Come on ladies, and Welcome Aboard !

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Blogging, twitter, FB


Over the past week I have been working, along with help from my niece, on getting myself out there. So here I am blogging on my own website. I find it all very exciting and cool, if I may say that.
Twitter is an amazing place. I’m amazed at how much others put out there for strangers to read. But, I have to say I could easily spend hours reading other peoples twitters.
All that aside, my plan for this site it to hopefully draw more people into the reality of my writing. On this page I intend to put more info and some of my essays. I am trying to get my voice out to the world with the technology.
Bear with me, I am new to this, but the learning is an adventure.

Rosemary