The other day it occurred to me, my life had come full circle.
Recently, my husband and I traveled south to visit my sister and her husband at their lake house in North Carolina. Our first day the guys played golf and my sister and I caught up while enjoying the amazing view of mountains and lake. At sunset, we all climbed into their boat and drove to the middle of the lake to admire the beautiful sight. As we all sat their chatting, having a cocktail, relishing our friendship it dawned on me, this was the first time the four of us had been alone together in over twenty-five years. This very event was what we had dreamt about as young twenty something’s with small children. All those years ago we said to ourselves, someday when we are older we will have time to focus on our relationship again. Someday we will take vacations together. Maybe we will even buy houses beside each other and retire. The guys can play golf and the girls can talk without interruption.
How very surreal to be living your dream, to have it come true. To know we had made it through some difficult times, yet, here we were, just as close, still having as much fun as we did when we were all at Purdue University together.
It is a wonderful accomplishment to have shared a lifetime of experiences with my sister and her husband. I know for a fact that not all siblings remain close and that is why I especially treasure the relationship I share with my sister Roxann. We are sisters and more importantly, friends. I know I count her husband as a friend also. My god! I remember helping him decipher his freshman Purdue schedule by writing it out on a paper plate, apparently the only writing surface we could find. How fortunate we are to have each other, to be able to laugh at past silly memories, to understand why certain incidents cause our eyes to go misty. Friendships that stand the wear and tear of so many years go deep into your very soul.
As I sat in that boat enjoying the view of the sunset and my friends, I understood I could not take this moment or the next few days we had for granted. Who knows how many more times we will have the opportunity to share that dream we all had so many years ago. Life can change in an instant; I think most of us, at least those of us in our fifties, understand this. A moment watching the sunset with the couple I have known the longest in my life was rare indeed. 
sisters
Changing My World
“When you’re done with this world, you know the next is up to you.” John Mayer
It has been a year since my mother passed away; Twelve months of me reclaiming my life. Although, I’m not sure reclaiming would be the correct term. Instead, I think I am rebuilding my new world. That is why John Mayer’s words resonate with me. The end of my era as my mother’s guardian also coincides with the end of my era as a full-time mother. My husband and I have successfully encouraged our daughters to grow their own wings and leave the nest feeling confident in their lives ahead. Kudos to us. So, the next is up to me. Where do I go from here?
The good news is I can make my choices based on over a half century of living. I certainly have life experiences, and I plan on using them to make, what I hope, are wise decisions. My husband and I live a good life in suburbia. We have enough to enjoy pursuing the activities we like to do. Because we have accomplished this goal, personal happiness is my next biggest objective.
That desire is encumbered with the many heartrending aspects I have in my life involving those I love. Friends and family, who have joy sucking circumstances they are facing. The kind that leave you searching for sunshine even when it is sparkling through your window. I realize that, especially as we mature, my situation is not unique; how I go about living my life, that is what is exclusive to me. I want to be there for those I love and support, a hand to hold, the one who listens without judgment. But, it is also my wish to be able to share some happiness with them. I want to encourage a new thought process, to not dwell on the injustice, if you will, of their lives. Instead I would like to concentrate on the bright spots in life, the obvious and more importantly, the simple wonders of everyday. I want them to feel, we are in this together.
Part of finding my new world is discovering what makes me happy, my purpose in life. Writing, I know, is definitely on the list. My part-time teaching job brings me joy, as I travel from school to school bringing a field trip to classrooms with The Scotia-Glenville Traveling Children’s Museum. I love both of these aspects of my life’s journey. I also appreciate the fact I don’t have to worry about a generous income from either.
Realizing these thoughts, I have decided to practice the art of listening to my feelings and wants. At times, putting my needs in front of others. Something, we as woman or perhaps parents, don’t always get to do as we raise our families or care for others. I have found my needs are not far from where I have been, they have just increased in their importance. Spending time with friends and my sisters is one of the most important aspects of my life. Sometimes, I have to travel to do that, but I am growing more accustomed to the idea that the cost can be outweighed by the joy the trip brings. After all, what can bring more pleasure to your soul than hearing the laughter of those you love, or feeling the comfort of a much needed hug? I am also working on having a more adult relationship with my grown daughters. All involved must change our thought process to include a more give and take relationship. Not the one that served us well as they grew, of parent giving and the child taking. This course of action will take time but I am willing to wait for the fruition of my efforts to develop.
I have learned many lessons during my 54 years of life experiences. My journey has taught me that I will gain friends and lose them. But, more importantly, to hold onto the lessons I learn from those experiences. I hope I taught my daughters the self-strength and compassion it takes to care for your mother as she slides into the nothing of dementia. I know with the leadership of my sister I have gained a new spiritual strength; learning how to accept the guidance of both earth angels and heavenly ones. Building and constantly working on a relationship with my husband is still a continual part of my life. Together we have experienced the exhilaration of holding a tightly blanket wrapped newborn, and the daunting task of helping her grow to adulthood. I have come to understand that some of the most important relationships in life are the ones with your sisters, whether they are related to you by blood or by experience. The love and companionship of those women have, over the years, given me the courage, strength and self-confidence to continue to move forward with my life.
My next world is up to me, and I am determined to make it happy. I hope to find the positive even in a negative situation. I promise to continue to build my self-confidence and make choices based on my wants. I have realized that sometimes putting yourself first, in the end, can be beneficial to those around you. I have come to relish the bliss it brings me to watch myself accomplish goals I have recently set for myself. It gives me the strength I need, to in turn wash my friends and family with the waves of my happiness. I hope it brightens even a part of their day.
A Dolphin Dream
I woke in the middle of a restless night thinking someone was shining a light in my eyes. I sat up in the unfamiliar room and looked around only to find the moon sending a greeting through the open window. I rolled over with a smile on my face and fell back asleep, knowing, I was in Hawaii.
I had come on a mission of love with my sisters Roxann and Rhonda. Rhonda has Multiple Myeloma. During her over five year struggle with this cancer she has been my inspiration; not only because Rhonda remains positive, but more importantly, she has led me in a new direction spiritually. Rhonda often visualized swimming with wild dolphins during her treatments. Roxann and I wanted to make her dream a reality.
The next morning, I awoke and stumbled half asleep out into the living room and gasped: The view! There, spread out in front of me was the ocean, a teal blue. We were told it is called Kona Blue, named after this portion of the coast of the Big Island. None of the other islands or coasts in Hawaii has this stunning blue water. Some distance out, catching waves, I saw surfers. More inland, hidden behind a row of lava rocks that produced a bay, were swimmers and snorkelers. Our apartment, for the next few days, sat above the scene of a beach known for great snorkeling and sea turtles. To the back of our abode, was lush greenery climbing the hills made of lava, interspersed with homes that dotted the landscape as the ocean floor rose out of the sea and rushed up to the top of a mountain covered in mist. Brewing Kona coffee, I intended to enjoy the sights all morning while I sipped and talked with my sisters. We had a day to adjust to the time change and find our way around. Tomorrow was our big day, the dolphin swim.
We awoke at six in the morning while the moon was still handing the sky over to the sun. It was Halloween and we would be wearing masks, snorkeling masks. This was our big day, swimming with the dolphins in the Kona Blue Ocean. We headed to Honokohau Harbor and Marina to catch our boat. Once there, we met Captain Derek, a native to the island, and our swim guide Beth Ann. Fortunately for us, we were the only three passengers, giving us a private excursion. We boarded the vessel, left the marina and traveled north. Along with our guide, the three of us opted to sit in the front. Beth Ann was getting to know us and pointing out scenery when, to our surprise, Captain Derek slowed the craft. He called out.
“Manta Ray at ten o’clock.”
We all looked up to see twenty to thirty Manta Rays swimming in a school. They glided gracefully in the clear water as a hawk might when soaring on warm air currents. They were magnificent, dark brown in color with white bellies. Most had wing spans of three to four feet. Derek said he recognized this school, as they were the ones he often led people to on a night swim. It was a rare treat to see them in the morning. He and Beth Ann told us that each Ray had unique spots on their belly which identified them and so, they called them by name. We lingered there enjoying the cool breeze, warm sun and the manta’s company. Later, Rhonda recounted.
“When I saw the Manta Ray that is when my heart started to open up and it just kept opening wider and wider all day.”
Eventually, after both the humans and manta had their fill of being social the mantas began to swim away and we moved on in search of dolphins.
As our boat cruised along the beautiful coast, sometimes black lava, sometimes greenery and palm trees, Captain Derek spotted a small pod of dolphins and we ferried toward them. As we traveled Beth Ann instructed us on how to get into and out of the boat and the technique of using snorkel gear. Coming upon the pod we traveled with the dolphins for a while, getting acquainted. They were very friendly and soon swam just off the bow of our boat. They proudly showed off their babies, who frolicked by soaring ahead and jumping in the air. These were spinner dolphins, and, like humans learning to walk, these babies were learning to spin. Smaller in size than other dolphins, they were grey in color. Yet, as they glided through the sea, their coloring seemed to change from silver grey to blue grey to grey with hints of brown.
“Are you ready to swim?” Beth Ann asked.
My sisters and I could hardly contain our enthusiasm as we all nodded in unison, “Yes.”
Derek maneuvered the vessel past the pod, turning around so that the dolphins would be swimming directly toward the back of the boat, where we, snorkel and fins donned, would get into the water. As she slid into the warm, salty sea trying not to disturb the dolphins, Beth Ann yelled “follow me.” And we did. One by one we all quietly followed suit and slid into the water as instructed. I marveled at the warmth. The swells hit me in the face and lifted my body up and down. Unaccustomed to a mask and snorkel, I struggled to calm my breathing. I worried sea waves would crash down my snorkel causing me to swallow the salty stream. Then, as if by magic, there, directly below me were the dolphins. I heard them call to one another. I completely forgot about my discomfort with the snorkel as six dolphins appeared. I lost all thought of swimming and remained motionless so I did not disturb the incredible scene below me. The ocean was remarkably clear and I watched as the dolphins swam around each other, then rose from their depth right in front of me to surface. We all swam together, dolphin and humans. They played around us and did not seem to be disturbed by our presence. It was very calming and I was in awe. Beautiful, majestic, mesmerizing, awesome, I can’t find the correct word; in fact there may not be words to describe the sight of the dolphins. We had feelings of comfort, wonder, amazement, all words lacking in description as the dolphins surrounded us.
Eventually, the pod moved on and we were left breathless, bobbing and smiling in the ocean swells, trying not to swallow salt water as we yanked the snorkels from our mouths and repeated over and over “that was amazing!”
All three of us climbed the ladder back into the boat and Beth Ann served us fresh Hawaiian fruit and bottled water. But we were too wild-eyed with excitement to enjoy the taste. As Captain Derek searched for more dolphins we went to the bow of the boat.
“There, off to the left, at two o’clock.”
We spotted another pod swimming alongside the craft a few feet out and suddenly they were at the front of the boat playing with us. As Rhonda leaned over the bow, only two or three feet from the swimming dolphins she could feel the spray from their blowholes.
“It hit me in the face, but strangely, I was not bothered by that.” She later said, with a laugh.
After a while, the pod swam off but one dolphin remained behind. Even Derek and Beth Ann found it hard to explain. She wanted us to follow her. At one point she came to a stop directly in front of the boat.
“Please keep coming,” she seemed to say.
So we did. We had already swum two times with the dolphins but by following this dolphin we got one last chance. Captain Derek positioned the boat so that two separate small pods would swim directly towards us. As we once again slid into the water, the dolphins were very close, only two to three feet away. The dolphin, who had led us, swam calmly beside Rhonda. An emotional connection was made between the two as Rhonda looked into her kind eyes.
“I began to cry at that point, but it is difficult with a mask on.” Rhonda recounted later.
During the swim, I was trying to take pictures with an underwater camera and lost sight of people and dolphins. I raised my head up to look around; I heard Captain Derek yell and point frantically.
“What?”
I wasn’t sure what he meant. I put my head back in the water thinking the pod must be below me. With amazing speed and grace a dolphin sailed right past me. He was only about two feet away and looked at me as he raced by. I felt he nodded “hello.” In an instant he was gone and I jumped to the surface, yelling “awesome.” Captain Derek, sitting on the back of the boat, was joyous. He was talking excitedly.
“Did you see how close he was?”
One by one, my sisters and our guide popped their heads up. We were all chattering with excitement, not truly listening to each other, but exclaiming over and over our astonishment as we climbed back on board. As Rhonda, Roxann and I sat on the back of the boat heading toward shore I felt a glow rise in me. I looked at Roxann and enjoyed the glance of acknowledgement she gave me. We had been successful in our mission to bring Rhonda her dream. The smile of joy and the tears of gratitude on Rhonda’s face were contagious and the three of us joined hands in silent sisterhood. With the wind whipping my hair as it dried into a sea salt mess and my face turning red from the sun, I smiled with a prayer of gratitude for such a glorious day.
Rosemary Christle-Renaud 