….But it grieves me to be with Mom.  Every visit is a reminder that I am saying goodbye to her.   I say goodbye when I realize that she can no longer hold a conversation.  That it has become more comfortable for her to sit flipping through the television stations.  Every time I see she has wet herself, I say goodbye.  I say goodbye when the phone rings to tell me of another illness or that she has fallen.  Each goodbye is painful.  I never get used to seeing my strong-willed mother fumble for words or stare at nothing.